WHY DO PEOPLE FIND DEPRESSION SO HARD TO TALK ABOUT?
I think we've been taught by older generations and society that mental illness is something to hide - because 30, 40 years ago it wasn't something that was ever discussed. I know I have my own reasons for not being able to talk about it.
Personally, it's a vulnerability. I can't function when someone sees through my tough exterior and finds the depression inside. I feel as though I am riddled with it, and I fear that people will judge me or ridicule me if they ever knew how terrifyingly sad I really am.
In my darkest days, I feel numb. Like a switch has been flipped and I don't feel anything. I find myself going through the motions of things, eating, working, socialising (barely) until I generally can't sleep at night because the nightmares take over and swallow me whole.
On the whole, I find it hard to open up to people, and it's even scarier when they want to really know you. I don't want to be a burden. I don't want to 'kill the vibe'. I often feel as though when people ask 'are you okay' they don't really care for the answer. And so more often than not, I lie and say 'I'm fine' even when the world is swallowing me up and spitting me back out.
I shut myself down sometimes, block people from my mind and put up walls as high as Mount Everest to stop people from seeing me. It's a terrifying thing to live with. I can't speak for everyone when I talk about why I struggle to talk about depression. I don't want to be seen as broken, even though that's exactly what I am.
There are so many silent sufferers and I can say how it affects me but I can't speak for everyone else who has it. I am learning not to build walls and I am learning to talk about it out loud. It's an important thing to be talked about, but people still seem afraid to speak out.
"22, charity worker and all round decent person (at least I try to be). I like music, baking, writing and staying in bed for long periods of time. I cry when I see puppies. "
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